Ms. Codeine

This post addresses the dangers of forced matchmaking and the importance of ocular sorcery. Don’t sweat it, you will understand soon enough- or not.

Whereas with women there are two breasts, which invites conversation, just as a good behind presents perfect punctuation, something every man knows.

Can’t make sense of the above? Well, neither can I dear, lets move on.

It still is the month of February so we are still on the rather unexciting subject of romanticism. It never occurred to me that Jessie’s promiscuity may have something to do with my lack thereof, or that Kenny is a self-appointed hoe who ‘loyally’ wingmans his way through incalculable flexible thighs and eager hearts while explaining it away as (over)compensation for the absence of my romantic endeavours, simply put, he whores for 2.

Males consider February as the blessed month of fornication. It is also a period where hampers are given out in expectation of favor(s). Friend-zoned males are given temporary status elevation in the hopes of an expensive showing of undying love-in physical manifestation of course. This February, Kenny decided to take on the task of finding me a ‘rewarding’ female thanks to my persistent single status.

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Valentine GodFather

Rose_-360zibah vals

February is regarded by all females as the month of Love (Male Spending), the males could care less as to what February symbolizes’. For several females, it is a month even more important than the birthday of their Lord (heretics). It is a month that has them turning on their best behavior in the hopes that their tooth fairy (Boyfriend/ATM Machine/Sugar&Baby Dada etc) delivers. Typical mentality states that it is up to the man to rise up to the occasion and spend heavily on the woman. Thus Valentine’s Day evolved into a day not just for celebrating love but also for the launching of cheque-book sheets. Reminds me of my final year in UNILAG when at 09:58pm on February 14 a “tear rubber” jeep arrived the premises of the infamous Moremi hall, all the Single ladies and babes with broke boy-friends went into a frenzy as their wailing and jealous howls could be heard in distant countries. The recipient of the jeep was celebrated for weeks and her death secretly plotted by many.

This Valentine Day started out on a semi-funny tone. Semi-funny because it dragged me out of bed…early. No, this tale does not involve me.

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