Desperate Housemen

Desperate Housemen

Desperate Housemen

Did you hear of Desperate House wife Series coming to Africa courtesy Mo’ Abudu’s Ebony Live TV? The audition took place between last week Thursday and Saturday and I, Zibah represented. No, no I did not go to audition for a role, I tagged along with a buddy who was interested.

Venue: Protea Hotel, lekki penisular
Main character: Zibah, Chic and Kenny


Minutes after Kenny was through with his audition and we were making our way out of the venue, I made the mistake of telling him that I fancy one of the “usher” ladies. The lady is question had on a white sweat-shirt, a loose jean trouser and flat sandals. She looked like a girl that doesn’t pay attention to how she appears and isn’t conscious of how gorgeous she is. She was using a Sony xperia Z so well, she isn’t totally clueless. My brain had taken her stats when I first set eyes upon her.

Dressing: Loose and a tad ill-fitting
Inference: She isn’t conscious of how she looks.

Physical: Lovely eyes, easy smile. Warm disposition, slightly weird posture. Buttocks-a tad small, blame shapelessness on ugly jeans.
Inference: She is definitely not a bi*ch

Gadget/Accessory: Zero make-up, no accessory. Mac book and an Xperia Z
Inference: Geek

Conclusion: Kindred spirit

Before I let my stalker tendency scare you off let me get to the point.

Kenny: *eyes sizing up the chic like a mosquito eyeing exposed healthy skin* oh! you like her? ehn! no dulling, go over na

Zibah: I like her but not like like her. I had noticed how my buddy’s foolish eyes were glowing. He was going to challenge me. I wasn’t wrong…

Kenny: for sh*t sake you chicken, go over there and get her pin jor

“she uses an android” i tried to counter. bbm no dey android shey he curtly responded. *sighs*

No guy worth his onion wants to back down from a challenge like this especially when he is caught between the deep blue sea and his evil wingman. So with my pulse racing, my mind hurling insults at Kenny’s family tree for producing a moron and sweat trickling down my back I approached cool babe and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Hello, I cant act to save my life, I’m unhappy. my bank acc isn’t very healthy but still I cant help but ask you to marry me (trust me, I’ve no idea where all that BS came from either)

cool babe: huh!! what are you saying?
did I mention she has an American accent and sounds like hot sinful chocolate? #MajorTurnOn #Swoons

me: i move closer to her Sorry….erm…er…..look over my shoulder at that foolish boy in a brown shirt by the door.

Cool babe: frowns the dude you came in with?
woah! she noticed when I walked in

Me: Yeah. He said if I don’t come over, talk to you and tell you that you have lovely eyes and leave with your pin, he was going to nag all the way home….and he nags like a brittle old woman on a normal day even with putting effort.
Score one for Zibah…. smooooth operator

cool babe bursts out laughing, jumps and hugs me and pretends like she is whispering something in my ears then she slips her right hand into my back pocket and squeezes my ass.
I was stunned and just stood there. Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t this. I had expected one or more of the following reactions;
1) A long hiss that ends with her walking away (a la mgbeke Lagos chics)
2) A slap. ‘Em ladies like to slap
3) Laughter but no BBM pin

Oh well, I’m in a venue were acting-appropriately or strangely is the norm. Cool babe proceeded to give me her number and pin before walking away. She stopped a short distance ahead, turned, fluttered her eyelids and said Nita.. It took me a few seconds to realise she was telling me her name, I guess I was still stupid from the effect of the PDA. Good thing I had my back to Kenny. I guess Kenny’s jaw at this point would have shattered on the linoleum….the jealous bastard. Evil glee in my eyes, bbm pin and phone number stored in my phone and a satisfied grin on my face, I turned and strode confidently towards Kenny.

PS: The above story did NOT happen. I did meet a super hot babe but instead of walking up to her, I veered off left…. right into the men’s room. WHAT? don’t judge me.