December: The End of 2013

year-end-3

Ah! The 31st day of December. Alas, 2013 is over. (PS today is the very last day of 2013 just in case you were unaware). After today, things start on a metaphorically new slate and some of us that have been real bad are glad for this. Wait, huh! What the….why are you all shouting? Calm your raging titties already, it is not my fault that I have been away from Zibahdom (Zibah+Kingdom) since August. My life has been super exciting (more so than usual). Ohhkay, without giving into my ADD let me gloss over the highlights of Zibah’s December in zero order;

  • I turned 23 (Dec 1). Was dragged to a bar to celebrate and had my buddies turn it into a madhouse when they sang a badly composed birthday song with a fuji vibe.
  • I was raped…willingly (Dec 2): I will probably narrate my ordeal after I “heal” *chuckles*. Or maybe not, my boss somehow got a hold of Zibah’s URL, I wouldn’t want her thinking she works with a psycho. On the other hand, she assured me that she was aware of my loose bolts when she hired me. Still,  I will not want her to take a closer look at said loose bolts).
  • Jail bird: I was arrested- unjustly I might add and had to sleep in a cell with almost 50 other males I do not know from Adam. Yes, it was traumatic (dammit) and I am going to relish writing that particular story. So many awkward shits happened in there.
  • Zibah-Fatigue (Mid Dec):  Momma Zibah collapsed due to stress related issue, Gave us all a mighty ol’ fright. We watch her like a female hawk looking after her baby ‘hawkey’ daddy now.
  • Uglies at a bar (Dec something– can’t remember exact date): I almost caused a bar fight. Long story. I had left my seat for the restroom, I returned to meet a not-so-hot-chick sitting right beside my recently vacated chair with her BFF. Not to bother her obviously lively chat with her girl, I absentmindedly packed my stuffs and made to relocate. Ugly chic assumed I was running from her ugliness and boy did she make a scene….i mean, I didn’t even know her.

Many other stuffs happened; some good, some not so good but all in all, December was pretty much entertaining.

Did (Are) you have (having) an awesome last month of 2013? Do share

PS: Its New Year in New Zealand

Ecstatic Zibah.

Saturday Morning

Saturday

“I am successful,

I look forward to find opportunities where others see nothing

i am a life-time…..” Success Affirmation-my phone’s ringtone by Olusola Lanre  droned on. I cracked open an eyelid to glimpse at the time and the caller ID so i could curse the person appropriately, it was Jesse, I cursed loudly. It’s the unholy hour of 10am  on a Saturday morning (yes, I am  so not a morning person).

“He-ll-o” I croaked

“Zibah, when last did we see, ah-ahn, the last time we hung out was in May. You owe me a hang-out with you picking up the tab….” my head immediately started hurting me while I saw red.

Y’all remember Jesse right? yes, the infuriating Accountant lady that crowned herself my side-kick. She does have her uses though like being an Alarm Clock.

“……are you even listening to me Zee, hello, hello…” she yelled into the speaker, before I could even reply she launched into another story of a new bar somewhere in Lagos that she must absolutely visit….with me picking up the tab of course.

“so when are we meeting?” she asked.

Zibah: I don’t know, I am quite busy.

Jesse: Don’t give me that, You have been repeating the same excuse for weeks. What are you my besty for?

(I have pleaded severally with Jesse to drop the besty shit before she gets it into her head to dress me in a gown and demands that we do each other’s nails)

Zibah: Ehn! you know how it is, that is why you have to let me know before hand. You need to force me out of the house or I will turn into a hermit and I won’t come for your wedding” I replied. I was super eager to end the call and go back to hugging my pillow but Jesse did not seem ready to get off the line even as my replies were barely coherent.

“hello, hello. Can you hear me?” I half-growled into the receiver

Jesse: I know you can hear me, stop pretending. In fact I am coming in

And with that she ended the call. Grateful to the god of Saturday for small favors, I tossed my phone into a corner and made to return to sleep then I remember Jesse’ last statement. “Coming in” what did she mean?

*ding ding* my frigging bell rang.

Aaaaaarrrgggh! I am so not getting the door. I thought of creeping to the power box and turning it off so as to deactivate the bell but as soon as I made the decision, I heard a key turn in the keyhole.

HOW THE HECK DID SHE GET A COPY OF MY KEY??