“Body Small”


Public transportation in Nigeria is like many other things here; stressful. Take for example today, I had business that dragged me to the Oyingbo axis of Lagos Mainland, on successful conclusion of the business, I boarded a commercial lorry/bus to return to my apartment. I have always detested hopping into commercial buses that insists on mashing 5people in a 4-assed seat; it was just my luck that every long vehicle in this area insists on 5people.

At  the point of boarding the partially-filled vehicle, I scanned for a comfortable seat,  ‘comfortable” here refers to a semi-tight spot beside a window (for fresh air). Seeing no such space vacant, I made my way to the next best thing-2 seats from the window. I tuned out all the voices around me; fellow passengers and hawkers screaming the names and state of their wares then I mentally sent a message to my butt asking it to absorb as much comfort as it could as the luxury of being scattered carelessly wouldn’t last long.

“is this seat taken” a lady with her friend asked a male passenger sitting directly behind me

“yes there is space for two though there is already a woman sitting beside the window” he responded and  added as an afterthought “she get body small sha”.“body small” I repeated incredulously to myself. That was a damn polite way of describing someone who lumbered onto the bus and while walking past me had her mammary gland shove me aside. I mean c’mon I was sitting beside the passenger walkway, how could something located in her front give me sitting by her side grief? The woman had then dropped off her wares on her seat, loudly proclaimed to no one and everyone that she was going to ‘piss’ and would be back soon.

The lady and her friend had then sat on the vacant seat where body-small would make the 5th passenger. Seconds later body-small returned. I managed to stifle a laugh when the lady and her friend let out an unconscious gasp when they sighted her lumbering towards them. We made way for bodysmall to pass; the lady’s friend had to make extra body space to assist bodi-small’s movement. Body-small settled her bulk into the seat and the lady’s friend tried to affix her backside into the space left.

“Ah-ahn” lady friend exclaimed in shock “na me una wan do like this ehn (Is it me you are handling like this)? Because I small?”

I flipped a look over my shoulder and saw lady friend aggressively forcing her butt to touch the surface of the seat, she was unsuccessful. After grunting like a wrestler for a few minutes, she decided she could not take it and alighted with her friend. All through the short episode, body-small paid zero attention to anyone. As far as she was concerned the bus was too small, it had absolutely  nothing to do with the fact that she was a behemoth. She was comfortable…life was fine. I pitied the poor sod that eventually got bullied by the conductor to ‘manage’ the seat.

fat butt scare

Lol! Nigerians…always having to ‘manage’.


6 thoughts on ““Body Small”

  1. Pingback: “Body Small” | ThE cRaZy NiGeRiAn

  2. The crazy Nigerian brought me here.
    Hehehehe I thought I was the only one who did that window “comfortable seat” thing
    Body small…. Hehehe the word cracks me up

  3. So, I’m laughing my heart out, and the photo at the beginning of the post isn’t helping matters. I’m reminded of Tyler Perry’s, Why Did I get Married, where Jill Scott’s overweight character was asked to deplane because she paid for only one seat. Would it be fair to ask Body Small to pay for two seats?

    That Crazy Nigerian, Tonwa, he brought me here, and I’m glad!

    • Totally psyched at your laughter. Body small should pay for 2 seats or hang by the door with the conductor if she refuses to “debus”.

  4. *reeling with stacatto laughter*

    Okay….This had me in stitches and reminds me of an experience I had as a Lagos newbie…..though more theatrical!

    Summary…One of them Behemoths was responsible for me hitting my head on the sharp edge of the bus door and fainting!
    And she had the right to say *ah…this one na agric oh*
    Livid was an understatement as I came to!

    Highly Embarassed…I had to suck it up not without a few stray tears!

    Out of consideration for the sensibilities of other passengers, folks with some extra goodness should pay for two seats without being asked to!

    Amazing Graphics Zibah!

    Body-Small–Interesting Coinage!

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