The Intruder

In as much as I love my peace and quiet, days like these make me reconsider my sanity for refusing to have a room-mate. I was just on the verge of dozing off when I heard this irritating scratchy sound. I ignored it initially but even mosquitoes that dwell in my apartment know better than to upset me when I’m this close to sleep. I get very cranky and they (mosquitoes) end up without proboscis. I turned and curled up like a ball hoping the sound would just go away but it persisted, this time louder and then it occurred to me. Could an intruder have gained access into my apartment? It sounded like whatever/whoever it is was trying to make as little noise as possible.

I honestly considered pretending to be asleep, let the intruder steal to his heart’s content (it’s always a ‘he’, I am not Bradley Cooper so I doubt chics would break into my apartment to steal my underwear. A good number of them need changing sef) but what if he decides to attack my sleeping form and sketch a Z on my behind like Zorro does to his victims in the movies? I gasp in horror at the mental image of me carved like a dissected lab rat and the emotion jerks me out of bed. Unlike most people who fear paralyzes, fear brings out my imaginative ingeniousness. Ï grab my powerful halogen rechargeable lamp and pray to God that the bright light would turn the intruder to stone like Medusa’s eyes and then I can throw him conveniently over my balcony.

I tip toe quietly along the dimly lit corridor now filled with the light of the lamp. I see nothing at first then something by the corner caught my eye. The intruder turns quietly towards the source of light, cocks its head to the left as if considering how best to attack me. Of course I was rooted to the spot in fear, my eyes glued to the intruder and then it made its move, it spread its wings and I swear I heard it hiss. This action forcefully jarred me to consciousness as I dropped the lamp to the floor and opened my mouth as I pushed my lungs to breaking point as I screamed

“IT’S A FUCKING FLYING COCKROACH”

*sighs* Mariah Carey would be so proud.

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I’ve plans for you Zibah
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Running Zibah

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8 thoughts on “The Intruder

  1. Lwkmd! Been In this position several times I had to buy a powerful powder that not only brings them out of their hiding but kills them instantly… *i’ve got the power* buhahahahaha

  2. I once woke up to 2 juicy roaches roaming my leg. It was so gross it felt like someone was knitting my leg hairs (not waxed for a week then, had dreads on d leg lol). Can’t remember if I screamed. Cockroaches are small fries to rats. Once saw my mom almost complete a backflip to avoid a confused rat…..of course I was on top of a table laughing at her.

  3. Lord i hate those things ehn, and they can smell! I can’t even kill one sef.. Lol.. My mama is the official roach killer @ home

    • Your momma is such a brave lady. I keep praying there would be a roach plague that would render all roaches sterile. Although knowing nature, something more hideous would likely take their place after they have gone extinct and i am not even talking about rats (a rat once turned my momma into a gymnast in a bid to avoid the scuttling creature. Laughed my head off….from a safe distance of course).

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