MEN-o-PAUSE

Women are generally believed to be the most jealous of the sexes. That may be true and I’m sure there are several supporting examples dating back to the era of the Greek goddesses. However, men also have the uncanny ability to fall under the spell of jealousy. It is not something we will readily admit to. I have lost count of the number of times a buddy refused to talk to me because a girl he fancies cozied up to me or I got a new gadget he isn’t interested in but wants nonetheless or I get a new girlfriend (or side-side squeeze who happens to be hot) or purchased a pair of jeans (ridiculous yes but you best believe me). Well, below is a compiled list of things that gets our chains rankled, cause us to pause while raising our jealousy bar a notch higher;

The not-so-good-looking Guy that gets the chicks

brave man with the hot chic


He isn’t a sight for sore eyes; his fashion sense is not runway quality and would likely leave a bored old cat catatonic. His diction may/may not be stellar yet he is never short of a mob of ladies clamoring for his attention. Several men who consider themselves better looking and boiling over with rage, enthusiastically plotting the murder of this guy in their minds. They can’t seem to understand why the ladies dig him. Sometimes its wealth, other times…we can’t just place a finger on it.

Q: Ladies, why do you dig this kind of guy?

The fitness /Good looking guy

muscles fly

Lot of men are jealous of that guy that physically looks like an Adonis; perfect smile, firm biceps, toned abs etc. While they pray for him to be involved in an accident that would leave him with extensive facial scar tissues they silently grieve over their 3rd chin, Michelin thighs, bums filled with a tub of fat and bellies reaching out to embrace the earth. They conveniently forget that their appearance is as a result of their lifestyle. Men are also jealous of that guy that can eat a feast meant for three and still have the body of a gigolo without having to work out. Until recently, I never knew some Nigerian guys watch what they eat because of a tendency to bloat like women until a friend confided in me. Yes, I laughed in his face *shame faced*.

I fall into this category-Team fitness/good looking guy not Team Haters (you can tsk! all you like, I belong here jor). I’m a fitness junkie with pecs like mountains, biceps like the trunk of a tree and rock hard abs and chiselled ass like they were carved from granite. Of course this is a lie, the most I can bear to do when I can be bothered to get off my lazy posterior is 20 rounds of sit-ups and x10 push-ups before I collapse in a lazy heap on the floor (don’t you dare laugh at me).

 The Money Babies

dollars

There are people in this world who are blessed enough to be born into wealth.  We hate these people. These people are the ones who use Evian water to wash their hair, drive exotic cars and bathe us in smoke from their fancy exhaust pipes as we pull the fake Brazilian hair off a lady in a bid to enter a moving vehicle. They have no idea what the real world is like. These people end up getting whatever they want, and don’t have to work for it.  This is something most of us would love, but don’t have and as a result we feel the rage of jealousy, nurture it and scheme to get back at fate for dealing us a bad hand.

Women

babe liya_kebede

Yes, we can be jealous of women. Every time a lady bats her eyes and gets her way with the lecturer who agrees to move her up from a D to a B while you are standing at his door begging him to correct his error on your script and give you your deserved C. Or you have been standing on a queue for a bus for about half an hour under the sweltering heat and a lady walks by you, goes on to the guy standing at the head of the line, bats her Jezebel eyelashes and flashes a low watt smile then proceeds to enter the bus while you are looking for a road-side trader hawking N5 sachet water (not the ones that sell at N10) and a handkerchief. We hate these ladies because no matter how many times we bat our eyes, or how far we extend our chest we know we will never get the same type of treatment from our lecturers (except he is gay)or the guy at the queue (he may even reward us with a black eye for our trouble).

Q: Ever been late and approached a lady or guy at the head of the queue, explain you predicament, paused to see if your pathetic story struck a MT (Mother Theresa) cord only to discover you are being pointedly ignored, Would you keep begging or walk the long walk back to the end of the queue with your head hanging low and your brain drawing up death scenes involving the person?

So there you have it, that’s all I can think about for now. Guys can be jealous; some clearly more than others. However, I think its okay to admit to these feelings and to realise that you are most likely not alone in your misery. If you think you are, form an association, you would be amazed at the number of people that would sign up. Lol

Okay, did I forget to add anything guys? Kindly include it in the comment box.

Cheers 🙂

Zibah!

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7 thoughts on “MEN-o-PAUSE

  1. How could you Zibah. How could you forget the most important thing? We hate guys whose pricks are bigger than ours. I hate them so passionately ehn! Looooool. But I serious, e dey pepper me Jare *drops Mic*

  2. Lmao! The pictures are hilarious! We all get jealous jare..its quite normal..jst like i’m so jealous of ur writing skills :).. i’ve learned to appreciate sha.. As for d question.. Go back ke? Me nd d guy will die there ni.. After all my long story.. No shame!

    • I love you already? Are you single? can we get married *chuckles*
      Ah! you better pray i’m not the guy because there would be drama and dying

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