MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

  • If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
  • If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
  • If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
  • If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
  • If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
  • If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
  • If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
  • If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
  • If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
  • If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
  • If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
  • If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
  • If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

Now, don’t be going on how Zibah’s marbles are missing, the above is a joke that I found online (wait, you actually thought I’d switched career to become a Call centre agent, seriously!). On a normal day, the above wouldn’t be able to crack me up and induce a laughing fit but today has been anything but normal. It’s been all work, walk (read trek under the blistering Sun rays. The car wasn’t available), sweat, more work, more sweat and so on (and y’all know how Zibah loves to lounge and do nothing else). A few minutes ago, I discovered that the comment bar in some posts on 360zibah has vanished.

To the powers that may be, ‘‘C’mon, I need a break already’… My tech juice is presently low, thus I can’t figure out a solution, so I’m going to re-read the above ‘joke’ over and over again and laugh my head (or arse…or both) off or I may be tempted to tear some heads off or worse, cry *sniffles*.

Befuddled

Zibah.

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